Friday, November 19, 2010

and so it happened (part I)

Its already 2:24 am and I'm still wide awake. Maybe it's because of the doughnutsss I ate? I don't know. Anyway, I was suppose to blog about the future so here it goes...

I was always positive when it comes to imagining what my future would be. Simple life without those unwanted complications was all I ever wanted. Right now, however, thinking of the present situation makes my perception of my future more and more complicated.

For the past few days, I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. A lot of unexpected stuff happened and I wasn't prepared to face all of them at once. I wont tackle them in detail anymore, let's just say that things about my personal life aren't really happening as planned. For one point in my life I felt alone, scared and hopeless. I've always known that there are people who love me but for that certain moment, I just felt so depressed I thought I was all by myself. I started crying and moments later, I was thinking of unimaginable things-well, for me they WERE unimaginable. I started praying and crying and thinking about what to do. My mind was so occupied by all the problems that need to be solved. After quite some time, I came back to my senses. Thank God and thanks to some of my dearest friends, I was able to calm down a bit and I even tried to smile. I always tell people to smile when they're not happy, knowing that it would sort of fool your body to think that you're happy and thus make its own ways of making you happy. Ofcourse it didn't fail me and soon I was able to think with my mind free from all that has happened.

So what now?

I actually don't what to do next. What about my future? My plans? My happiness? At times I think I'm being too selfish and all, but I think I do deserve to think about my welfare. Anyway, after what happened, I thought I would just continue moving on. I thought that this was the life I chose for a reason. Maybe all I have to do is to prove to others that I was right in choosing this. I don't know...Maybe I don't need t prove anything at all.

I know how stupid this post may sound but I just have to get all of these out of my mind. I don't know what may happen and I don't know how to face the tides to come. I guess I've learned that at times, it's good to just let go of your plans. Just release everything from your grip and let God's plan take its course. I know I wasn't doing anything wrong but I have to be sensitive of what my loved ones would feel. I know it's not easy for them but I just have to let them understand my side. Maybe they won't accept everything the way I did but I'm hoping that at least we would both compromise and meet halfway. I just hope everything will be okay for everyone; no problems, no hatred, no pain. All I can do now is hope and just let the future unfold itself.

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