Sunday, November 21, 2010

mister mistaker

I always make mistakes. Actually, everyone does. But for the past few weeks, I've been repeatedly doing mistakes brought about by my simple stupidity...or is it really just my plain stupidity to be blamed?

Whenever we do something, we usually think. We think on why we should do something, what the outcomes of this certain action are, and how to do it. At times, we invest huge amount of time and effort on certain actions we consider important; the more important the actions and/or their consequences are, the more time we use to think about them. Personally, I do believe that thinking before doing something is essential and as much as possible, I make sure that I spend time thinking before I do something. Lately, however, I tend to forget to think the way I used to. Usually, I find my everyday situation very simple, free from any complicated stuff that may just cause any trouble. Yet I always end up making mistakes and worse, I even forget to realize that they are mistakes and that I am responsible for them.

Maybe I just forget to think

Thinking has always been a routine for me, so much as it has been for others. I don't know if I can call myself a critical thinker but I love thinking by looking at the different sides of a scenario while at the same time, applying my established beliefs and my limited knowledge. I even overthink at times but I end up with good ideas and decisions which never fail to deliver good results. If that were the real case, then why do I just suddenly forget to think? Forgetting is a good excuse for covering up mistakes, but is it really reasonable?

Maybe I forget to realize the importance of my actions and their consequences

When you know the importance of something, you tend to be more careful on how you handle it. I am more attentive to the things I deem special and I tend to become more serious in facing important situations. If my mistakes were related to things important to me, things that I value the most, then I shouldn't have committed any mistake in the first place. If these things are important to me, then why do I keep on making the same mistakes?

Maybe I became too assertive of my actions

I always think positively and in every action that I do I always hope for the best. When I do something, say, when I get to decide what to do with my acads, I always aim for the best and for this, I always give my best shot. This has been sort of innate in me that sometimes, I think I become confident on how I handle things; I become assertive that whatever I do would turn out great. If too much self assurance is the reason behind my mistakes, does this mean positivism won't assure you of a desirable result? Although being assertive may sound too negative, I know that my confidence on this matter is rooted on a positive outlook in life and in previous efforts that brought me good results. Then, why was being too assertive led me to making repetitive mistakes?

Maybe I am just overthinking

No, not really.

I really don't really know what these things are that make me commit the same mistakes over and over again, but whatever they are, I know that somehow I have control over them. It is indeed unfair to just blame everything on external, uncontrollable attributions but somehow, I still can't understand why I keep on making mistakes. Maybe it's because of one of the things I thought of or a combination of them, or maybe it's because of something I am yet to realize. Nonetheless, my mistakes are MY mistakes and I am solely responsible for them. I may find a couple of good excuses but at the end of the day, it was me who did what and therefore, I am the only one to be blamed. I may find it easy to say sorry but I guess I shouldn't be doing that anymore, not because I don't have to but because I have to stop being apologetic. Everyone whom I have hurt are worthy of my apologies but I think they deserve more than that. I know that I should have to accept my mistakes and take full responsibility for my past actions. But more than that, I guess I just have to learn from my mistakes, be more responsible for my actions, and be the mature person that I should be.

Small hands, again, it's my fault. I hope I won't be making the same mistakes again.

Friday, November 19, 2010

and so it happened (part I)

Its already 2:24 am and I'm still wide awake. Maybe it's because of the doughnutsss I ate? I don't know. Anyway, I was suppose to blog about the future so here it goes...

I was always positive when it comes to imagining what my future would be. Simple life without those unwanted complications was all I ever wanted. Right now, however, thinking of the present situation makes my perception of my future more and more complicated.

For the past few days, I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. A lot of unexpected stuff happened and I wasn't prepared to face all of them at once. I wont tackle them in detail anymore, let's just say that things about my personal life aren't really happening as planned. For one point in my life I felt alone, scared and hopeless. I've always known that there are people who love me but for that certain moment, I just felt so depressed I thought I was all by myself. I started crying and moments later, I was thinking of unimaginable things-well, for me they WERE unimaginable. I started praying and crying and thinking about what to do. My mind was so occupied by all the problems that need to be solved. After quite some time, I came back to my senses. Thank God and thanks to some of my dearest friends, I was able to calm down a bit and I even tried to smile. I always tell people to smile when they're not happy, knowing that it would sort of fool your body to think that you're happy and thus make its own ways of making you happy. Ofcourse it didn't fail me and soon I was able to think with my mind free from all that has happened.

So what now?

I actually don't what to do next. What about my future? My plans? My happiness? At times I think I'm being too selfish and all, but I think I do deserve to think about my welfare. Anyway, after what happened, I thought I would just continue moving on. I thought that this was the life I chose for a reason. Maybe all I have to do is to prove to others that I was right in choosing this. I don't know...Maybe I don't need t prove anything at all.

I know how stupid this post may sound but I just have to get all of these out of my mind. I don't know what may happen and I don't know how to face the tides to come. I guess I've learned that at times, it's good to just let go of your plans. Just release everything from your grip and let God's plan take its course. I know I wasn't doing anything wrong but I have to be sensitive of what my loved ones would feel. I know it's not easy for them but I just have to let them understand my side. Maybe they won't accept everything the way I did but I'm hoping that at least we would both compromise and meet halfway. I just hope everything will be okay for everyone; no problems, no hatred, no pain. All I can do now is hope and just let the future unfold itself.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

My PGH FSAd experience

After almost two weeks of exhausting workk at the Food Service Administration Division of the PGH's Dietary Department, I am finally getting 3 weeks worth of vacation! Woohoo!

So as some may have already known, I am taking my hospital dietetics practicum at the Philippine General Hospital. It was quite tiring, to think that we were not given enough time to rest after our equally exhausting first semester. We were assigned to do numerous stuff everyday but I can say I sort of enjoyed every single day I spent on the FSAd. The dietitians who supervised us were really kind and they were great in teaching us everything we need to know about the department's food service operations. We even had the chance t have hands on experience on their day-to-day operations and it was awesome. Although I still can't say I'm already loving food service as a field, I'm happy that at least I was able to really enjoy doing real-life FS stuff for the first time.