Thursday, April 14, 2011

I messed up

I made a mistake. A huge mistake. I broke a promise and it felt so bad.
It wasn't the first time I encoutered the same situation. I've experienced similar circumstances with all the temptations rushing in inside my mind. Yet I was able to resist them. I can't say I'm good at resisting temptations but I was good at this one. Well, I WAS good at this one.
It just happened. I wanted to give in, I tried to resist. The contradictions of my thoughts were pretty difficult to comprehend, but I was relaxed. I didn't pay much attention to what was happening because I knew it would pass the same way it did many times before. I became too complacent.
I had a hard time accepting the truth. I messed up and it wasn't easy to just move one. Then I realized one thing.
It's like trying to become vegetarian. You get tempted, eat meat and fail. Good thing we are given chances to try again. For it is in these chances that we, hopefully, find success.
I still have a chance to make it up to the people I have hurt, to avoid doing the same mistakes, to ecome a better person. It sucks to know and accept that I messed up big time. But then again, it will never be what mistakes I did that would matter, but what I would do after committing them.
I have learned a lot from this experience. I just hope and pray that however bad it was that I did, it will help me become a better person.
Small hands, I'm sorry. I guess I won't have to make any promise anymore.

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